I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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