She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
