This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
