there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
