ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
