i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
