I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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