was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
