and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
