all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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