YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
