So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
