Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
