Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
