Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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