my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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