I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
