I could have mohawked her pubes.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
