I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
