something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
