Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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