I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
