I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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