Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
