great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
