I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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