fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
