I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
