I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
