the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
