I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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