i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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