I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
and you fell through a lawn chair
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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