some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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