what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
