Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
