I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
