i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
