This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i will never coherently bang her
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
