Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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