I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
