I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
