come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have aggressive nipples.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
