ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
