me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
