just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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