I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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