What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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