you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
