I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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