first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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