YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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