youre lurking in front of me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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