It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
