Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
