here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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