how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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