So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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